This is where everything started! This is where some men, thousands of years ago, decided that God is one entity. They decided it should be called “he”, as they themselves were men! Abrahamic religions were born. It happened in this region!
The main characters of the eternal stories, agreed altogether, no matter how different they were, that we are sinners!
Their believers, who have been fighting each other and claiming that only one group of them will enjoy the heaven of that God, agreed altogether, despite their holy wars, that we are sinners!
It all started here in this part of the world!
For the sake of clarification, that entity that those “men” called “God” is called in Arabic “Allah”. Allah is the Arabic equivalent of God in English – it is the word which Arab monotheistic believers use to refer to that entity.
I was always amazed by that idea of that entity. Allah, God, or whatever it is called in any other language, made some people of this region believe they were his chosen ones. And then, “he” made others believe he had a son in this region, to finally persuade others to believe that he sent them his “last” beloved man with a final ultimatum – Believe in me or I will put you all in Hell, damn it!
Amazingly, people of this region managed to “export” their differences to a big chunk of the inhabitants of this planet, to start a series of wars and massacres all over the globe over their differences in interpreting that entity. Moreover, they also managed to export the one thing that those people agree upon – Gays are sinners!
Lucky me! I have been living with these unique people all my life!
Trying to learn about sexuality in order to find out more about mine, I read many books since asking questions was not, and is still not, an option with the unique people of Monotheistic Lands. The first and most important influential element was Alberto Moravia’s autobiography writings. I used to “steal” those from my aunt’s library on our frequent visits to Syria. Amazingly, my religious father, finding out about my interests in similar subjects, used to “smuggle” these books for me to Saudi Arabia.
The Brian Torture of Wahhabism
Growing up in Saudi Arabia, I had to learn about Islam the Saudi Way. Saudi Wahhabism is nothing but a complete annoyance to any big mind. It is what the Kingdom’s founders found out to be the best way to control a community with highly respected complicated traditions, and it worked out very well for them!
I never found it hard to accept homosexuality as a fact and an orientation even before trying to learn about sexuality. That became even easier when we started to learn about Sharia laws. Asking questions about homosexuality and receiving the answer of “it is not that common” only raised the question of “then why are we learning about it? Shouldn’t we be learning about common things?”
The actual learning about the Sharia laws regarding homosexuality made me believe strongly that we are born homosexual. The Wahhabis’ teachings did not succeed at suppressing my homosexual feelings. On the contrary, they made me believe that the question I should be asking was “What is the best way to find out about what I want?” instead of the regular ones of “Why me? How did I “become” this way? Will “Allah” forgive me for those thoughts?” etc… Trying to find an answer to that question is not easy for anyone, especially at the age of 14. I decided back then to wait until I know exactly what I want before having sex. However, my “sexual” radar was so high that I watched everyone around me, and I was surprised.
I didn’t know back then the new expression of “gaydar”, but I have always had a good one. I used to see exactly through the looks of people, and to know exactly who is gay and who wants to have sex with whom, but I never tried to engage myself in a conversation to find out, until I left to Syria.
The Islamic Laws of the “Secular” Assad Regime
Assad’s regime claimed to be secular. However, there is an article in the constitution that says “Islamic jurisprudence is a main source of legislation.” Therefore, the Syrian law incriminates homosexual acts that they deem to fall under “obscene and unnatural sexual acts”. I never claimed to be a law-abiding citizen!
I wasn’t even planning to explore gay Syria when I found out where was best to cruise. Gaydar is a great tool, and the best thing about it is you don’t need to “plug it in” to work. It is a “self-activated” function for those who have it.
I was going back to Hama after my first day in Aleppo when I decided to spend the waiting time in a park. A man sat in front of me and started looking at me. “Huh! Is it really happening?” I thought. I tried to avoid eye contact, but I couldn’t stop myself from establishing one. “WOW! It is real. The man wants to have sex with me!” was what I thought at that moment. However, I’m a Taurus, and as stubborn as a Taurus can be, I followed my own set rule of knowing what I want before having sex, but I kept trying to establish another eye contact.
Another guy came and gave that man “a look”, and sat in a place where they can look at each other. I felt like I was in the theatre, and I was so excited. The man, my man (lol), finally went to sit next to the guy. They talked for a while before leaving the park together. DAMN! That took too long that I missed my bus. I left to book another ticket before coming back for more “self-education” time.
I spent the following two years reading, and I never went back to that park. I went through all the theories that people have about homosexuality and decided to refute them in my own case one by one, until I was faced by the most annoying one, “One’s sexual orientation is decided by their first sexual experience”. I knew back then it wasn’t true, but I love experimenting. “What the hell! My neighbor woman was trying to have an affair with me for a long time now, so I have already a woman and I don’t have to go through dating”, I thought, and even more, “Why not? She will get back at her cheating husband and I will be able to disprove to myself this final theory!” Some might call this “evil”, but to me this is “being practical”.
The affair lasted longer than I thought, not that I was enjoying the sex, I was actually enjoying the pillow talk. It was intriguing for me to learn more about women, intimately. I also felt that what I did was wrong, i.e. using her for my own self-exploration. Knowing how unique people of the region are, I decided to use “her fear” of that entity called “God” to make her repent for her sin of adultery and “dump me”. I had a complete expected success that I thought I should be the next prophet. Yeah right! A gay prophet!
After the long journey of learning, and then refuting all the wrongfully established theories about homosexuality, I was ready for my first homosexual experience!